The Terrible Fours?

Is this a real phenomenon?  I think I can safely assure you that it is...some of us experience the terrible twos not realizing that the terrible three's are where it's at!  And some of us, myself included, are simply lucky enough that it carries through to the fours.  I believe we are the parents of strong-willed children.  A lot of us in this group are parents of only children.  My son is an example of that and I've heard from parents of other onlies that this is an ongoing issue.  Now I'm not sure if it's because there aren't any other siblings for the one to split his/her time between and with that the focus falls on "Mum" that the real issue is.  Some would say the simple answer is to have more children.  What can I say to that other than, to each his own.  I had my two kids, one only lived to be 40 days old, and the other is this amazing miracle of a child who is as healthy as a horse, eats as much, and seems to be everything his poor brother would never be.  I know my case is unusual, to say the least.  However, I don't happen to agree with the theory that having more kids works.  Since each child is their own individual then it would only work according to that particular family's dynamic.

Back to the point, strong willed children can be the most frustrating, defiant, sharp-tongued, hyperactive creature around - yet these children also turn their wills to the end end of the spectrum and are tender hearted, loving, very protective of family and friends and are a real joy to watch and care for.  My son fits these examples, both positive and negative, and we've been on a crazy ride over the last couple of weeks.  His behavior has definitely been in the negative zone and some consistent disciplines that worked before are simply ineffective now.  I find with my son, he starts to expect us to respond in a certain way and decides he's going to kick it up a notch to see how far he can push.  When we change it up, do something different, have an unusual diversion, or even lower or raise our voices in different ways, we seem to get better results.  Yet I'm so exhausted from this "push-me, pull-ewe phase" I think I'm way past anger and smack dab in the middle of disappointment.  He's so smart, overhears everything and can put most things together, and he uses it all as much as he can.  Oh, I'm so afraid he's got some of my nastier skills - I was praying he would lean more toward his daddy in personality.  Looks like God is testing me with a little of my own medicine!

This isn't a plea for advice or an article on the psychology of only children.  This is my opinion and I'm at fault if there are any wrong assumptions.  I simple wanted to put it out there that onlies have a different set of issues than multiples - neither is better or worse than the other.  So when the mother of an only vents out her day and is greeted with snorts or raised eyebrows or even worse, a comment like "why don't you take a few of mine and see how badly you have it!," from a mom of multiples, please understand we all have valid and important issues with our kiddos.  Regardless of how many we have.  We need to respect each other as moms should and support each other in our struggles and endeavors no matter how many children we choose to have.

Have a safe and happy weekend :)