Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering Gods grace in its various forms.

1 Peter 4:9-10

Friday, September 10, 2010

The Terrible Fours?

Is this a real phenomenon?  I think I can safely assure you that it is...some of us experience the terrible twos not realizing that the terrible three's are where it's at!  And some of us, myself included, are simply lucky enough that it carries through to the fours.  I believe we are the parents of strong-willed children.  A lot of us in this group are parents of only children.  My son is an example of that and I've heard from parents of other onlies that this is an ongoing issue.  Now I'm not sure if it's because there aren't any other siblings for the one to split his/her time between and with that the focus falls on "Mum" that the real issue is.  Some would say the simple answer is to have more children.  What can I say to that other than, to each his own.  I had my two kids, one only lived to be 40 days old, and the other is this amazing miracle of a child who is as healthy as a horse, eats as much, and seems to be everything his poor brother would never be.  I know my case is unusual, to say the least.  However, I don't happen to agree with the theory that having more kids works.  Since each child is their own individual then it would only work according to that particular family's dynamic.

Back to the point, strong willed children can be the most frustrating, defiant, sharp-tongued, hyperactive creature around - yet these children also turn their wills to the end end of the spectrum and are tender hearted, loving, very protective of family and friends and are a real joy to watch and care for.  My son fits these examples, both positive and negative, and we've been on a crazy ride over the last couple of weeks.  His behavior has definitely been in the negative zone and some consistent disciplines that worked before are simply ineffective now.  I find with my son, he starts to expect us to respond in a certain way and decides he's going to kick it up a notch to see how far he can push.  When we change it up, do something different, have an unusual diversion, or even lower or raise our voices in different ways, we seem to get better results.  Yet I'm so exhausted from this "push-me, pull-ewe phase" I think I'm way past anger and smack dab in the middle of disappointment.  He's so smart, overhears everything and can put most things together, and he uses it all as much as he can.  Oh, I'm so afraid he's got some of my nastier skills - I was praying he would lean more toward his daddy in personality.  Looks like God is testing me with a little of my own medicine!

This isn't a plea for advice or an article on the psychology of only children.  This is my opinion and I'm at fault if there are any wrong assumptions.  I simple wanted to put it out there that onlies have a different set of issues than multiples - neither is better or worse than the other.  So when the mother of an only vents out her day and is greeted with snorts or raised eyebrows or even worse, a comment like "why don't you take a few of mine and see how badly you have it!," from a mom of multiples, please understand we all have valid and important issues with our kiddos.  Regardless of how many we have.  We need to respect each other as moms should and support each other in our struggles and endeavors no matter how many children we choose to have.

Have a safe and happy weekend :)

1 comment:

  1. I know what you mean Ann. Each one of my three have all been different in so many ways. It's a challenge. Especially since the youngest is so pig headed and determined that she will do things her way. I have to walk away and let her see that she is doing things the wrong way most times. Hang in there. Hopefully he will grow out of it soon.


Books on Tap for 2011

  • Knit Together - Debbie Macomber
  • Captured by Grace - Dr. David Jeremiah
  • Murder Most Foul - A Collection of Great Crime Stories
  • Fireproof - Eric Wilson
  • There's Something About Christmas - Debbie Macomber
  • Questioning Evangelism - Randy Newman
  • Murder Uncorked - Michele Scott
  • A Sacred Sorrow - Michael Card
  • Prayer: Does it Make any Difference? - Philip Yancey
  • Get Out of That Pit - Beth Moore

Books Read in 2011

  • What a Sista Should Do - Tiffany L. Warren
  • 90 Minutes in Heaven - Don Piper
  • Forgotten God - Francis Chan
  • The Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren
  • Dead Reckoning - Charlaine Harris
  • Shadowfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Chill Factor - Sandra Brown
  • Heaven Has a Blue Carpet - Sharon Niedzinski
  • Dreamfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Wednesday Sisters - Meg Waite Clayton
  • Stealing Home - Sherryl Woods
  • Bound for Murder - Laura Childs
  • Bloodfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Faefever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Darkfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Under Her Skin - Susan Mallery
  • The Red Pyramid - Rick Riordan
  • No Wonder They Call Him Saviour - Max Lucado
  • I Still Dream About You - Fannie Flagg
  • I Am Number Four - Pittacus Lore
  • The Last Olympian - Rick Riordan
  • Spider Bones - Kathy Reichs
  • A Thread So Thin - Marie Bostwick
  • The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan
  • The Search - Nora Roberts
  • The Titan's Curse - Rick Riordan
  • Wicked Appetite - Janet Evanovich
  • The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan
  • Awakened - PC & Kristen Cast
  • The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan
  • Photo Finished - Larua Childs
  • Keepsake Crimes - Laura Childs
  • Sizzling Sixteen - Janet Evanovich
  • The Icing on the Cupcake - Jennifer Ross
  • Fleece Navidad - Maggie Sefton
  • Dyer Consequences - Maggie Sefton
  • The Darling Dahlias and the Cucumber Tree - Susan Wittig Albert
  • Heaven Has a Blue Carpet - Sharon Niedzinski
  • Dreamfever - Karen Marie Moning

Books Read in 2010

  • The Yada Yado Prayer Group - Netta Jackson
  • Silver Borne - Patricia Briggs
  • The Hole in Our Gospel - Richard Stearns
  • A Winter Marriage - Kerry Hardie
  • So Long, Insecurity - Beth Moore
  • Knit the Season - Kate Jacobs
  • Dead and Berried - Karen MacInerney
  • Murder on the Rocks - Karen MacInerney
  • where do i go - Netta Jackson
  • be sweet - diane hunt
  • The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
  • Raven - Allison Van Deipen
  • Push (Precious) - sapphire
  • Faces of the Gone - Brad Parks
  • The Lace Reader - Brunonia Barry
  • Burning Lamp - Amanda Quick
  • Fired Up - Jayne Ann Krentz
  • The School of Essential Ingredients - Erica Bauermeister
  • Matters Arising - Sarah Harrison
  • The Sheen on the Silk - Anne Perry
  • I Saw the Lord - Anne Graham Lotz
  • The Dangerous Protector - Janet Chapman
  • The Seduction of His Wife - Janet Chapman
  • Re-reading all the Tintin graphic novels - Herge
  • The Sugar Queen - Sarah Addison Allen
  • the last time i saw you - Elizabeth Berg
  • Garden Spells - Sarah Addison Allen
  • Wild Ride - Jennifer Crusie & Bob Mayer
  • Dead in the Family - Charlaine Harris
  • The Girl Who Chased the Moon - Sarah Addison Allen
  • Grave Secret - Charlaine Harris
  • Crawl Space - Sarah Graves
  • The Honey Thief - Elizabeth Graver
  • The Otherworldlies - Jennifer Anne Kogler
  • Saving CeeCee Honeycutt - Beth Hoffman
  • A Face at the Window - Sarah Graves
  • Draycott Eternal - Christina Skye
  • Shelter Mountain - Robin Carr
  • Virgin River - Robyn Carr
  • Death by Cashmere - Sally Goldenbaum
  • An Ice Cold Grave - Charlaine Harris
  • Grave Surprise - Charlaine Harris
  • Grave Sight - Charlaine Harris