Last of the Little White Pill

Just when you think everything is going wonderfully and you have nothing to feel stressed or anxious about - WHAM - a full blown anxiety attack flattens you to the couch for an hour. I had to take the last two Lorazapam to ease the symptoms and finally chase it away. It was the worst one I've had yet. I am racking my brain to figure out where it came from and at the same time hoping another one doesn't happen until I get to see my Dr next week. I can't believe how darn painful they are. It was a little more than an hour that the elephant sat on my chest. It could be that I feel like everything is on me for LD's birthday party this weekend. Dad is taking care of the outside but I still need to clean the house and get the food list ready. It's not supposed to be a big deal but it ends up being one anyway. Also it doesn't help that hubby is taking off on Sunday to go to a Sox game without me. I can't very well tell him that he can't go, either. So I'm mad about that, too. I know it's not rational but there it is. He gets to go and I don't. That's the brass tacks. So on top of feeling slightly overwhelmed about the party, worrying if I'll have enough food, if people will have a good time, if LD is happy - I go and get jealous that hubby gets to have a major break and I don't. Sometimes I feel like stomping my feet and screaming, "it's not FAIR!" Well, at least I can admit my failings. Besides, I signed on to full time mommy care over two years ago when I was still pregnant.

There may be a break in the routine soon. If I can ever get through to this person by phone I'm going to try to get LD into a toddler program 2 days a week for the rest of the summer. It should give me a break in the morning when he's gone, then all I have to manage to do is feed him, then he goes down for his nap. Who knows, at this point I'll take all the help I can get.

On the knitting front, hubby's sweater is coming along swimmingly. I've blown through one skein and have 8 more to go. *snark* Man, the sarcasm is coming out everywhere today. I best be careful not to utter the first thing that comes to mind when hubby comes home. I'll be in big doodoo. Anyway, the sweater really is turning out well so far. I take it with me everywhere and can usually get a row or two done while I'm waiting for whatever I'm waiting for.

I've been tossing around the idea of going into a little business for myself. Custom knit or felted accessories. I can put posters up at the grocery store and other places around town and make up little business cards and drop them where ever I can. I just don't know if I could drum up any business. I can do a purse in two weeks, a wallet in a couple of days and any other type of electronic cover. The only problems I have are if the client wanted their purse or tote lined. I suck at sewing. With a capital S. I'm thinking this might be something I'll do over the winter. You know, when I'm stuck inside with a bored toddler - ha ha ha - like I'll have the time to work on anything!

I've started thinking about getting another tattoo. I have several in mind but the one I've really been considering is knitting related. I'd love to have a ball of yarn and some needles permanently tattooed to my arm! Something a little edgier than just a regular ball of yarn. And, with lots of color. I'm having one done to my back that is similar to the mother/child emblem. It's going to be in the shape of a heart with one side smaller than the other. It will encircle yet another heart that has one side an angel's wing for my lost little one and the other side, larger for my LD. I don't know if I want their names yet but I'm leaning yes so far.

Well, I'm sweating from places you don't need to know about so I'll carry myself off to our lovely air conditioned living room for a few minutes until LD wakes from his nap. Hope you all had a lovely 4th celebration!

Happy knitting!