Offer hospitality to one another without grumbling. Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully administering Gods grace in its various forms.

1 Peter 4:9-10

Friday, January 11, 2008

Decision Time

MOPS went really well today. It was nice to finally get back into the swing of things. We had movie time and watched a piece on making the best of a crappy situation - like how to make a hovel feel like a home to your kids. Between the movie and our mentor moment I felt like someone was beating me over the head, saying "This is you. Don't be ashamed to ask for help. God helps those who help themselves." I've been trying to figure out how to handle this anxiety that seems to be controlling my life.

Yesterday I had a total meltdown, screaming at LD for getting in the way of the vacuum cleaner. I actually stomped my feet I was so out of control. Later on, standing in front of an open window, I realized that I was not the person I thought I was. I thought I could handle anything that came my way. I handled little O's passing, so I thought, yet how come I break down in tears for no particular reason? Or why do I cry over some stupid sappy commercial on TV? That's not me.

So today, after our Mentor Moment and the film, I realized that God was telling me it was ok to ask for help. My new friend Tracy was there and she was so encouraging. She even gave me these stress candies from the natural food store. She said they help smooth down stressful feelings and being overwhelmed. She also has a friend who knows of a Christian therapist in my area who is supposed to be very good.

So, Monday I'm calling my Dr. and asking for an appointment, then asking for a referral to see this woman. Hopefully with a little more medication (maybe on a daily basis) and a lot of therapy, I can get a handle on this. Because, I'm telling you, I'm so sick of feeling this way and it's not fair to LD to see his mumma losing it for no reason. I want so much more for him. He deserves to be happy and make the most of his childhood. It's also not fair to Hubby, who I love dearly and can't live without. He's the most wonderful man even if he doesn't understand what I'm going through. He tries and that's what matters.

On another note, I start my part-time job at McDonald's tomorrow. At first I thought, how can I work there - it's such a loser job. That was the snob in me talking. I never thought I'd be in a position where I had to find a job to accommodate my having LD home all day. There really aren't any professional jobs in my town that would allow me to work at night. So here I am stuck with the burger joint. However, the ladies at MOPS and my family have helped me see the light. I'm doing what I can to help us make ends meet. We have a laundry list of things we need that we just can't afford and this job with help meet those needs. I also have a knitting habit I need to maintain to help me win the fight against insanity! So, in order to afford those $10 to $15 balls of yummy yarn to knit with I have to work. Mickey D's it is - I'm going to put my best foot forward and be the best darned burger flipper they ever saw!

Onto knitting. I have finished mitten #1 for my MIL and started the first few rows of mitten #2. It's coming right along and I hope to finish the mitten this coming week. I am really anxious to start on my purse. After that I want to find some comparable yarn to Rowan Big Wool. I want to knit a cabled hoodie vest for either my sister or my niece. I have found some Big Wool at discontinued prices but I'm not sure if the colorway is acceptable. So I would like to find a cheaper comparable yarn as an alternative.

Hubby says I'm obsessed with knitting. Well, maybe I am but there are worse things to be addicted to! Besides, most of what I knit I tend to give away. I'm also obsessed with books and he laughs about that! Anyway...

Time to relax and kick up my feet. I have laundry to do and a shower to take before I go to my new job tomorrow so I'd like to be well rested!

Ciao and Happy Knitting!

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Books on Tap for 2011

  • Knit Together - Debbie Macomber
  • Captured by Grace - Dr. David Jeremiah
  • Murder Most Foul - A Collection of Great Crime Stories
  • Fireproof - Eric Wilson
  • There's Something About Christmas - Debbie Macomber
  • Questioning Evangelism - Randy Newman
  • Murder Uncorked - Michele Scott
  • A Sacred Sorrow - Michael Card
  • Prayer: Does it Make any Difference? - Philip Yancey
  • Get Out of That Pit - Beth Moore

Books Read in 2011

  • What a Sista Should Do - Tiffany L. Warren
  • 90 Minutes in Heaven - Don Piper
  • Forgotten God - Francis Chan
  • The Purpose Driven Life - Rick Warren
  • Dead Reckoning - Charlaine Harris
  • Shadowfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Chill Factor - Sandra Brown
  • Heaven Has a Blue Carpet - Sharon Niedzinski
  • Dreamfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Wednesday Sisters - Meg Waite Clayton
  • Stealing Home - Sherryl Woods
  • Bound for Murder - Laura Childs
  • Bloodfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Faefever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Darkfever - Karen Marie Moning
  • Under Her Skin - Susan Mallery
  • The Red Pyramid - Rick Riordan
  • No Wonder They Call Him Saviour - Max Lucado
  • I Still Dream About You - Fannie Flagg
  • I Am Number Four - Pittacus Lore
  • The Last Olympian - Rick Riordan
  • Spider Bones - Kathy Reichs
  • A Thread So Thin - Marie Bostwick
  • The Battle of the Labyrinth - Rick Riordan
  • The Search - Nora Roberts
  • The Titan's Curse - Rick Riordan
  • Wicked Appetite - Janet Evanovich
  • The Sea of Monsters - Rick Riordan
  • Awakened - PC & Kristen Cast
  • The Lightning Thief - Rick Riordan
  • Photo Finished - Larua Childs
  • Keepsake Crimes - Laura Childs
  • Sizzling Sixteen - Janet Evanovich
  • The Icing on the Cupcake - Jennifer Ross
  • Fleece Navidad - Maggie Sefton
  • Dyer Consequences - Maggie Sefton
  • The Darling Dahlias and the Cucumber Tree - Susan Wittig Albert
  • Heaven Has a Blue Carpet - Sharon Niedzinski
  • Dreamfever - Karen Marie Moning

Books Read in 2010

  • The Yada Yado Prayer Group - Netta Jackson
  • Silver Borne - Patricia Briggs
  • The Hole in Our Gospel - Richard Stearns
  • A Winter Marriage - Kerry Hardie
  • So Long, Insecurity - Beth Moore
  • Knit the Season - Kate Jacobs
  • Dead and Berried - Karen MacInerney
  • Murder on the Rocks - Karen MacInerney
  • where do i go - Netta Jackson
  • be sweet - diane hunt
  • The Lost Symbol - Dan Brown
  • Raven - Allison Van Deipen
  • Push (Precious) - sapphire
  • Faces of the Gone - Brad Parks
  • The Lace Reader - Brunonia Barry
  • Burning Lamp - Amanda Quick
  • Fired Up - Jayne Ann Krentz
  • The School of Essential Ingredients - Erica Bauermeister
  • Matters Arising - Sarah Harrison
  • The Sheen on the Silk - Anne Perry
  • I Saw the Lord - Anne Graham Lotz
  • The Dangerous Protector - Janet Chapman
  • The Seduction of His Wife - Janet Chapman
  • Re-reading all the Tintin graphic novels - Herge
  • The Sugar Queen - Sarah Addison Allen
  • the last time i saw you - Elizabeth Berg
  • Garden Spells - Sarah Addison Allen
  • Wild Ride - Jennifer Crusie & Bob Mayer
  • Dead in the Family - Charlaine Harris
  • The Girl Who Chased the Moon - Sarah Addison Allen
  • Grave Secret - Charlaine Harris
  • Crawl Space - Sarah Graves
  • The Honey Thief - Elizabeth Graver
  • The Otherworldlies - Jennifer Anne Kogler
  • Saving CeeCee Honeycutt - Beth Hoffman
  • A Face at the Window - Sarah Graves
  • Draycott Eternal - Christina Skye
  • Shelter Mountain - Robin Carr
  • Virgin River - Robyn Carr
  • Death by Cashmere - Sally Goldenbaum
  • An Ice Cold Grave - Charlaine Harris
  • Grave Surprise - Charlaine Harris
  • Grave Sight - Charlaine Harris